you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize