This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
