I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize