totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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