There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Your dad touched me again.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Randomize
