i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
