This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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