i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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