i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
