i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize