at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
