Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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