Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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