I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize