i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize