meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I still have a little drunk in my system
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
