Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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