and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
