You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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