i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
