did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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