people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He felt like a one man threesome
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
