Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize