Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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