If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
