Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
