i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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