M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
