dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
