bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
