That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
