why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
