I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
