My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
