Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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