I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize