Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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