she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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