We named our party play list daddy issues
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
