piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
