her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
