i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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