I hate your face
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
