Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
