I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize