Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
