If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
