First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize