I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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