remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
