You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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