Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
