Have you finally orgasmed yet?
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
