ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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