He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
