I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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