Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So much rum. So many feels.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
