you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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