So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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