just tell him i said nine months
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
