is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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