Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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