The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize