were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
