I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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