She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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