As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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