there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize