woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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