dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
