Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
