if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
