you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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