You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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