whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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