hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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