I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
