you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize