Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
