You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
