Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
