she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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