im six kinds of drunk right now
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Couch. On fire.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
