Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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