so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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