I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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