He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
