I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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