I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I need to stop coming to work sober
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
