she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
