I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
