i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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