Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
