she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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